I Have a Disease.
The disease of self… self consumed, concerned. Inwardly focused and driven. It’s sickening.
I was walking to class today, flustered and frustrated at the world. I was tired and I couldn’t get my hair to do what I wanted…girls, I know you understand me on this one. Just last night I went to the beauty school in town and had them cut and color my hair.
**Side Note** For those of you who don’t know me I love hair…I use lots of product and like BIG hair; I tease my hair every day. I would fit in perfect in the 60’s. Anyways, the point is that I do care about my hair, so getting it done at a school was definitely a risk. But when you’re in college and money is tight, you gotta do what ya gotta do. So I marched into the beauty school nervous but desperately in need of the services they had to offer. I sat down in Heather’s chair and told her I exactly what I wanted….Fast forward 4 ½ hours….. Finally I was done. By the time she had finished it was 9:30 and I had completely missed The Outpost (a ministry on campus that meets weekly to worship and study God). She asked if I wanted her to style my new do, but by this time I was exhausted, so I left with flat, partially wet hair.
Back to the story…
I woke up today frazzled, tired, and after styling my hair, I realized my bangs had been hacked to pieces. Ugh…why did I take the cheap route? My morning devotionals were rushed and my mind was wandering. I wasn’t the most pleasant person to be around either. My roommate tried to make conversation with me but I didn’t offer much in response. After clipping my hair back and packing my backpack I flew out the door. I sped to campus, parked in the 1 hour meter parking, and started power walking to class.
Suddenly in the mist of my frustration…I heard it. God. “You have a deadly disease. It’s name: self-consumption.”
I had allowed a bunch of minuscule situations to completely throw me off. My day, which is really the day that the Lord had made and certainly has a purpose for, was so unfocused because of all my self- focus. If I had been living in God’s truth…the one that says I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)- I would have not been nearly as affected by my bad hair-do, exhausted body, or lack of motivation to attend my one and only Friday class.
God’s truth absolutely changes everything!
Why is it so hard to stay focused on that? Once I choose to see things through God’s eyes my day took a 180 degree turn. I felt a wave of patience, peace, and clarity that I had been without earlier, fall over me. God took care of me the rest of the day. Loving me back into his presence and showing me that I was precious in his eyes all the time. Hacked bangs or perfect hair day…he doesn’t care. He sees the attitude of our hearts and that is freeing.
A wise friend told me: When we live confidently in our God-given purposes, we not only find true, deep fulfillment, we also bless all those around us.
I wasn’t living the life God called me to this morning. Centered on myself caused me to lose sight of the people around me who may have been blessed just to receive a friendly smile. This disease is BAD. It steals life and joy.
May we be God centered, not self centered people.
P.S. God even fixed my hair…well not himself but I was able to get into an upscale hair studio in town later this afternoon and they fixed it all for FREE. Hummm… think about it.